DEAR ABBY: I have been friends with a couple for 30 years. Both are alcoholics. They function, work at farmers’ markets, are sociable, have a house and pay their bills. Yet, at least once, maybe twice a month, they get totally wasted and the wife calls me and rambles on incoherently. I suspect they get drunk even more frequently, but, thankfully, I don’t get a call every time they are on a binge.
I have been in terrible relationships in which I drank too much to numb myself. Thankfully, I have been out of such toxicity for years. But I’m having increasing difficulty dealing with these drunken phone calls. I suspect I’m the only person my friend calls because she knows few others would understand her slurred babble. I’m weary from these calls. How do I deflect them? — TIRED EAR IN ARIZONA
DEAR TIRED EAR: Put an end to those calls by being frank with your friend about the effect they have on you. Do this while she is sober. Tell her you do not want her calling you after she has been drinking because her speech is so slurred that you can’t understand what she’s saying. Say if it happens again you will hang up the phone, and if it does, follow through. Let her calls go to voicemail. If you would like to maintain any sort of relationship with this couple, see them socially only when they are (reasonably) sober.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
